why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
