I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
