you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to cum in my sink.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
