I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
