There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
