It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
