1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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