Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
