Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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