ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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