I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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