my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
