4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
