He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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