He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
