My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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