the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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