I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
