umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
