Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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