My hand turned me down
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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