if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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