Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
