Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
