they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
