I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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