I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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