just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
