I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
