end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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