I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
