Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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