You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she peed on how many people?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
