my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
