i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
