We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
