Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
