I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
