oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...so i touched it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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