i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
