Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
