i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize
