I want to stick my p in your. b.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
