Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
soo... how was my night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
