genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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