Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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