you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
