After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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