they need to just BURY HIM!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
