What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am available for nakedness
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
