I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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