I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
