I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
