He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
