The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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