Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
